It’s now OK to not believe Survivors
Over 153 million Americans voted for an alleged pedophile rapist
**First published on Nov 7th 2020 on medium.com, republishing here with updated voter tally**
*Trigger Warning* mentions of rape, sexual assault, gaslighting, abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, sui, PTSD, mental illness
Survivors, this article is not for you. This is for all these people who don’t believe us because they say we’re not “credible”. It is highly triggering.
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This is what happens when a survivor has a trauma response to your words or actions, otherwise known as being “triggered”. Any and all of these things (and more) can happen:
Stress hormones flood their body so they have a fight or flight or freeze response. This means that they are experiencing the feelings they experienced when they were assaulted, but you’re so oblivious that you don’t realize you just made them feel like their sexual assaulter made them feel.
They might shake and tremble.
They might have flashbacks.
They might weep.
They might feel the sensations of their sexual assaulter on their body.
They might feel ashamed, because they think it’s their fault they were assaulted.
They might feel wrong for having spoken up, because the other person “must know better.”
They might feel like they’re in the wrong because they brought up the topic of sexual violence.
They might feel like they can’t speak. Their throat might feel like it’s literally closed up and they can’t get any words out.
They might have trouble breathing.
They might have nightmares and wake up in cold sweats.
They might not be able to sleep.
They might see their assaulter everywhere they go.
They might be afraid to be touched.
They might jump when they are touched and break out in a sweat.
They might not trust the people around them.
They might not want to look at their own children.
They might not want to eat.
They might eat too much.
They might run away.
They might be enraged.
They might lash out.
They might hurt themselves.
They might become suicidal.
They might not remember what they were doing.
They might not be able to carry on a conversation.
They might disassociate so they’re no longer mentally or emotionally present in their surroundings.
They might not tell anyone what is wrong because they are afraid they won’t be believed.
They might not be able to concentrate on work.
They might concentrate intensely on work.
They might take substances thinking it will help them cope.
They might believe your gaslighting even though you’re wrong because you’re not “messed up” like them.
They might tell themselves it’s not worth fighting anymore.
They might be exhausted.
They might give up.
No one just gets over the trauma of sexual violence. You don’t “forgive and forget”. You can’t forget. You never forget. Most can’t forgive. You live with it your entire life. It colors your every action. You carry it inside you, like a poisonous baby. Some of us have moved forward in our healing enough to take action to defend others. Some of us dedicate our lives to defending others, and then defenders of rape culture show up and vomit all over us, assaulting us yet again.
Meanwhile, you have no idea what is happening to us because you are a patriarch defending rape culture. You have no idea that you’re not reasonable. You have no idea of the violence of your actions. You have no idea that you are a cop.
Telling a survivor that you know the definition of “rape” better than them is violence. Telling a survivor that you want “credible reports” when they are telling you what they know is truth is violence. Telling a survivor that you have the luxury of not believing them while they live with their experience every day is violence.
No one wants to be a victim of sexual violence. It’s our excruciating reality and we can’t escape it no matter what we do. Those of us who have healed just enough to speak out try to make people believe us in the one hope that we could all heal if we are believed.
By the most recent tally as of 10pm November 19th in this presidential election year, 153,381,506 people voted for Biden and Trump combined. That means that so far, well over 153 million US citizens voted for an alleged pedophile rapist. If that was you, don’t pretend like you weren’t told. You were told by survivors again and again because they were warning everyone and trying desperately to defend others. And you just didn’t care. Those survivors weren’t important enough to you even though those survivors are you.
This is why we call it rape culture. It’s not just the rapist. It’s everyone around the rapist and survivor who do everything they can to make sure the survivor’s voice is drowned out and rape continues unchallenged.
You are the reason we survivors are so afraid. We can handle our sexual assaulter. It’s you who are the problem because you never let us heal. You keep us in a state of perpetual trauma.
There’s only one thing every single survivor asks for: That we are believed.
That is the one thing we survivors lost in this election.
I won’t stop fighting. But I am so tired and so sad.
Resources:
National LGBT Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
Hotline for 2SLGBTQIA+: 1-519-752-HELP (4357)
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1–800–656–HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1–800–799-SAFE (7233)
Women lie to themselves about their assault
False rape accusation are extremely rare — 0.5%
Accusations against Donald Trump
Twitter flagged videos of Biden touching children as child sexual exploitation
CSPAN Footage of Joe Biden touching children inappropriately in public
Accusation that Donald Trump raped a 13 year old girl